You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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