Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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