direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Randomize
