The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
