What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
