Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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