It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
