i can't believe i had my finger in that
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
