I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
