looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize