i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
