girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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