I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
