my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
