so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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