I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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