you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
