For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
