I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
