Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
