Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
