These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
