some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
