If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
