she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
