dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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