i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
should my penis look like a turkey
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
