rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
