Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
