I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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