Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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