Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
