Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
