I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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