Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
