Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
