I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
