Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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