Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
