he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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