her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
