uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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