I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
