I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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