I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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