So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
