It's like God shit irony all over that family
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
