I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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