im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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