i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
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We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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