how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
