I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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