Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize