I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
worst night to have a conscience
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
