I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So. Much. Porn.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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