I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
