if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
