yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize