I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
