Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
