I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
