# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
