i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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