Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
