I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
