K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
