It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
