I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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