Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
