I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
