You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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