We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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