I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize