Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
