She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
