I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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