The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
