mondays should just be called national damage control day
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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