I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my shit smells like andre
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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