If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
